I finally heard it!! A hilarious tale

O.K., so there are a few English words I have just been waiting to hear someone say, but before I let the cat out of the bag I'll just plunge into my story.

Yesterday I was coming home on my bike from an event and took a little bike path. It appeared like it was headed in the direction of home, but was actually a little out of the way. It was very nice and scenic, but spit we out in the city center. Which was fine...at least I knew where I was.

As I was traveling down a major street I could see ahead of me what appeared to be a very old lady on a bike. Now I know "old" is relative because I have seen many older people riding bikes here...people I would guess to be in their late sixties to even seventies...out getting groceries or traveling from place to place. This woman, however, I judged to be on the quite older side of old considering her degree of kyphosis. I guess I just never imagined I would see someone with such severe osteoporosis that when you view her from behind all you see is the hump in her back, head not being visible, again considering the angle of the curvature of her spine.

Well, at any rate as she was slowly pedaling along and I approached closer I realized she was about a quarter of the way out into the street. Most of all the streets here have designated bike paths on the far left. I was in the bike lane and she was out in the street. Not thinking twice I just glided past her while staying within the bike lane. As I past, the old woman screamed (no that is not an exaggeration, I'm sure plenty of people on the side walk heard her loud and clear)...

"NOT ON THE INSIDE - YOU BLOODY WENCH"....or witch, or wretch, or insert some other horrible word that begins with the letter 'w'.

If I had to describe her voice I would say that if there was such a thing as a woman hobgoblin that her voice would make the perfect prototype for a voice over.

Now, imagine me, with my face in utter shock and mouth as round as a doughnut, start peddling faster for a moment and then burst into laughter. I think I literally said out loud "that was totally awesome...hee hee hee", "I can't believe she said bloody!" I never looked back, and kept up my excelerated pace for a while...not thinking she could catch up with me or anything. But, what if she could?? On I sped home.

Anyways, so I finally heard someone say the horrible curse word that sounds so harmless to us Americans. I guess I never would have imagined that it would have been directed at me!

I'm still laughing...